this weekend, i attended the final joie de vivre show at rawk space in rockford, illinois. i went with my boyfriend and his band, the ground is lava. the above picture was taken by yours truly at the end of the night.
for their final show, JDV asked a ton of their friends' bands to play, and it became an all day fest. in all honesty, TGIL and annabel were the only bands i really knew. i'd heard of a few others, and have seen some of them at shows here in ohio in the past, but wasn't too familiar with their music. that goes for JDV themselves. regardless, without even knowing the bands/songs, the energy in that room was so great. even though the whole thing started at 2 PM and went til about 1 AM, most everyone was there the entire day. and they stayed stoked the whole day. every band had kids singing along and dancing and crowd surfing. it was hard not to feed off of how happy everyone else was, whether i knew the bands or not.
but i have to say, i couldn't escape thinking all day about what a white, cis-dude-centric sort of day it was. yes, there were cis-women and non-white people in attendance, but looking at that photo- which consists mostly of just band members and not the audience- you can see what i mean.
i was somewhat bummed while taking the photo because here were all these guys piling on each other for what i'd heard a few refer to as a "bro-shot" or something like that, and about five of us girls stood back to take said photos. obviously, a few ladies made it into the shot, though i think only 2 or 3 played in bands that day. it felt like all those quotes you hear from riot grrrls, how back in the day, girls were just at shows to be "coat hangers" for the guys. in this instance, we were there to document them.
i guess it kinda ties in to how the same day, my friend scotty (from annabel/northwestern) was talking to me when we took a break to get a few drinks at a nearby bar. we are both from the kent/akron area and he lives in a house that does a lot of shows that i attend quite often. he was telling me how he doesn't want me to feel alienated at shows there, and that he wants me to know that he's got my back if anyone ever offends me or makes me feel uncomfortable. he also said something like, "bri, you are a part of this community. you have a say," which almost made me cry because so often i feel NOT a part of our scene here in kent/akron/cleveland, overlooked or just taken as some dude's girlfriend. in reality, i've been making music and playing shows since before some of these guys were even old enough to be allowed out of the house late enough to attend said shows, i just am not currently in a band active enough to be recognized as part of the scene.
it was just so sweet of him because when i tried to address this issue in the past with someone else who lives in the same house, i was dismissed and told that i need to stand up for myself. i tried explaining that it's not always so easy to do that, especially when you're one of five ladies in the whole place and everyone assumes you're just somebody's girlfriend, and not a musician yourself/interested in the music. even more so when some of those ladies don't mind the sexism, so ya know, the dudes can play it off like "well SHE isn't bothered so obviously you're just being over-dramatic."
this isn't even getting into instances of anti-gay slurs or racist remarks that get by at these shows. i mean, even at the JDV finale, two young white girls kept telling my boyfriend how much he looked like their friend, then when their friend arrived they introduced the two of them to say "look how much you look alike!!" but of course, they looked nothing alike besides being skinnier black guys. i only caught the end of it, and i didn't really know if it was my place to call these girls out on how ignorant and racist that is, but it just added to some of the sadness i was feeling over things still not being as inclusive as we, as a scene, try to pretend they are.
there were other things bothering me, too, like the crowd surfing/moshing that kept me from standing close at some points. while on one hand, i enjoyed seeing people so enthusiastic over the music, and seeing kids crowdsurf and dance for TGIL made me smile wide like a proud mama, i also don't like getting kicked in the face. and i like being able to stand close so i can watch how everyone is playing, look at pedal boards, etc. i also was feeling uncomfortable with how many guys were taking their shirts off- an assertion of dude privilege i had never considered much until i read
lauren denitzio's essay on sexism in punk (which has grown into a several part series that if you haven't read yet, you really need to. immediately).
i guess what i'm trying to get at is that it was a really tough weekend. because as much as i loved the energy, how happy all of my friends were, and getting to spend time with them/spend time in another city and all, i wasn't getting away for the weekend like i originally thought i would be. i was instead further submerged into the reality that there is still sexism in our scene, along with racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism and so on, and came home feeling more lost than before, unsure how to address any of it. so i wrote this.
EDIT: just a few more thoughts. i totally get that the weekend was about the end of a great band, and i'm not trying to make people overlook that, or say there was nothing good about the day. like i said, it was a super posi day, which is awesome! i was really happy most of the day, there were just moments that got to me, and reminded me of the kinds of things that happen back home (though in a way this scene really extends throughout all of the midwest). shit, these things happen at berea fest even, and that is kind of the highlight of my summer every year! i generally don't say anything because i'd rather just remember the good moments, but i feel like these are things we shouldn't be ignoring.
also, i know i said a bit about people assuming i am just some dude's girlfriend when i was, in fact, attending the show with my boyfriend, who's band was playing. so, in the case of this particular show, i get why people might think that. but it is pretty much always assumed of me at a show, whether i am dating anyone or not. it is assumed of most women. it's why we get this condescending question of whether we're
with the band or
in the band that i've rarely seen posed towards guys. so yes, i am dating someone in a band, but i am also a musician, i am also interested in this music and this scene, and i have been long before he came into my life.
Check out this adorable tea cup I found at the thrift store as well!
In fun non-fashion related news: I completed issue 18 of my zine, Motor City Kitty, the other day!
